wind rising

Kokomania

rebeccafloyd — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 13:47:35 +0000

November 19, 2007

This morning, gray and gloomy, I have nothing on my mind but my beautiful boy, Kokomania, the wonder horse. What a glorious introduction to harness racing and the exuberance of winning! To own a horse like Kokomania is like having a piece of the Goddess you can feed carrots to and pet everyday; bury your face in fur and smell life, speed, and the deep heart of unfettered desire. We had five racing starts with him at CalExpo and came up with a 4th place and 3 wins, but last nights fifth start in the 3rd race ended in injury. No one knows yet what that injury actually is but it didn’t look good and most likely it is the end of his short but brilliant career.

Owning a racing horse is a moral dilemma and there are so many arguments possible to have with yourself over what you are participating in and doing with these amazing creatures but in the end there are no answers or real comfort you can give yourself. Racing is what it is, and we have been racing these animals since we first domesticated them, and neither injuries, corruption, greed, nor animal rights groups will change the thrill of watching your favorite cross the finish line first.

And you can’t outlaw a horse from racing…it is what they do naturally as play with each other, and if they love to race like Koko, then who am I or you to say “no”. I

Just another do-over…

rebeccafloyd — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:01:49 +0000

OK, back to square one. So, lying in bed last night, awake for the 6th or 7th time, I decide that a little self-discipline is in order as well as a change of habits, and if my nephew can blog I most certainly can change my routine of hours of Spider Solitaire and start my day by writing. Besides, my poetic mind, which has been wandering and only occasionally coming home for a change of perspective, feels like it is ready to hang out with me for the winter. That would be nice as there is a book of short stories running around my brain that really needs to get out and go do something.
I’ve been looking at the drafts I have stored and all are date November 30, 1999 … no idea why or if the date is important. It could be; one of those cosmic connections, no doubt, waiting for me to figure it out. Some of it is quite good and I wonder why I never posted them? Ah, well, I am younger than I was when I first started this blog and have less concern of criticism by whom ever might read this…which is no one at this point.
Today I am off to Indiana Downs to work on two horses, hang some fliers, and hopefully get paid. Yes, money is still an issue, which comes as no surprise in this economy…which, by the way, is officially getting better because the stock market is up and our government says so. I have my partner’s casino card and $60 free for the slots, courtesy of the casino, and am going over this evening with my friend, Pat, to see what I can win. Hey, the dogs need canned food…you do what you have to do.

The Universe doesn’t need another frantic, burned-out woman.

rebeccafloyd — Sun, 01 Oct 2006 16:39:53 +0000

I’m walking a fine line with this processing thing. I am getting a little antsy…restless, and anxious. I should be doing SOMETHING, shouldn’t I? How about painting the bathroom? How about writing up the legal settlement? How about getting off your butt and playing with me…or feed me wet food, says Curly, the “oh, you think you’re going to bring the little dogs in here, talk all evening, play on the computer and just go to bed?” cat.

Well, yes…that did seem like a fine way to spend my time.

And so, this morning, after far less sleep than I wanted or needed, and a few episoides of my own temper – which always make me fell very funky about myself, I’ve decided to DO SOMETHING!

Write…I’m going to write!

First I have to write the truth about the cat … she attempted to make me feel better in the midst of my temper fit last night, and I ignored her…and didn’t give her the attention she needed before I went to bed…she deserves better, seeing that she has made the transformation from country cat to in the house city dweller on my account, and I need to get off my butt and give her some wet food!

The truth about processing…D is correct in saying by it’s very nature processing is self indulgent. And that is the point…I want to give myself the opportunity to find out how to live in harmony with my internal rythems of spirit, body and mind. Now, that sounds smucky and very self-indulgent, but if your issue is self-worth, and mine, at least at this point, is, then you know that doing what you want when you want, being clear about you boundries, and living according to your own authority, is not only difficult, but nearly impossible if you are a woman of a certain age. You provide better service when you have low self-worth…and we conspire against ourselves to make sure we provide that service.

I have seen so many women running around, so busy that they were always last on their list of things to do. (I’m not talking about the wonder woman model so many working mothers are trying to emulate.) I mean the women who will never get enough money for what they do, who truely believe that if they are really busy they are proving their self-worth, and don’t really deserve the money, anyway.

The morning after…

rebeccafloyd — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 18:33:31 +0000

My warm and soft Sacramento has found is first winter rain, and so, I’ve migrated to the front porch – my backyard sanctuary unprotected, and uninviting.

I had a wonderful day yesterday…a really good Thanksgiving! My time with D & C was a real joy…I lost at cards but, of course, that is just a ruse to sucker them in for our next go round. And dinner at Jenannah’s was lovely…where do you find a turkey for four? Best of all was being truely grateful that I have changed my life and it now belongs to me.

A little housecleaning before we begin.

rebeccafloyd — Fri, 25 Nov 2005 18:33:03 +0000

Oh dear…it’s time to put into words the “about me” part. You have a right to know…I certainly like knowing who you are, or at least something about you, when I read your blog. It’s the defining part. It is like trying to answer the sex question on forms…no where have I seen the options of “sometimes”, “always/continuelly”, “favorite planet (for sex)”, or the place where I can get an answer to my question -”when, exactly, are we talking about?”. I’m welling to tell, really! (My daughters will attest to that.) It’s always a great deal more complicated then the question implies, and they never give you enough lines or boxes to answer the question.

About Me

No, I don’t have a job, but many professions. My current occupation is ‘processing’ – a term, I was once told, able to be used only by white women over 40.

Yes, I am a single woman by choice, with 4 X’s in my past. (You have my permission to find this fact humerous, as it makes me laugh, also.)

I have a cat…or rather a princess having a cat experiences. Her name is Curly for the shape of her tail and the obbsession of one of my favorite characters.

I have 2 daughters…whose privacy I absolutely respect. All parents may take a step forward.

I am not firmly attached to linear time, and being lost may only be a state of mind – somewhat like Oregon.

Yes, I believe in a Divine Presence.

My only goal in life is to wear my “original face, the one God gave you before time began.”